Who cares...I am in Love...

For u...with love

I don’t know how to begin...it is one of those rare moments when u realise that life is so beautiful afterall...yes u did feel like an empty canvas so many times..Lifeless and colourless...beautiful yet insignificant....and then u suddenly see....u see after so many years...those colours were there right in front of u....they had been there always...

I am in love...I have been in love for a decade now....all through these years as I continued to despair failures and chase dreams....as I celebrated success and made plans.. I never realised that I was one of those lucky few to have loved and been loved the same way..even more...sounds a little filmy... isn’t it?.. but dosen’t matter...I don’t mind exploring Yash Chopra’s definition of love all over again...I don’t mind admitting that I do hear violin and guitars being played when he is around....I do think about donning colourful and bright saris in a picturesque background (maybe in Switzerland) where I can walk hand in hand with him to the tune of a romantic Bollywood track ....

In the blacks and the whites of the canvas that laid bare all this while...I have decided to fill in a few colors...to celebrate this beautiful relationship...to thank him for having loved me, respected me and for having stood by me whenever I needed him....love yaaa :)

Beauty?

Getting decked up...feeling beautiful with a brimming smile...u know u can steal any heart...unleashing a charm that stares the beholder in the eyes...that defies all rules of modesty...I want to feel that beautiful again....

Sleepy...

There was this desperate attempt to hold onto something... I tried my best....I wanted to hold onto something and rest for a while.....I was sure there had to be something/someone to clasp my hands for a while atleast....I waited....

Its humiliating to realise that you actually don’t recongnise yourself anymore...and as you continue to lose yourself into some kind of semi conscious state of existence, you halt for a while to look back before letting yourself go...you halt to find a few answers....who all stood by you when u needed them the most...

Elusive Seductress

There was this numb feeling somewhere....emotionally numb actually...as if a lot had been drained out of me suddenly...

Hazy maps...beautiful boundaries, the shadow lines....where are the limitations after all? ...where and how do I hunt down this elusive seductress called success and own it forever...oh yeah! I want to own it...make it mine...get drunk with its soft luscious lips....Oh! How I wish I could have it.......

She eludes me over and over again....look there ...and here...and over there...reminiscences of all that I have lost in this chase.... who cares?....I am obsessed ... so much in love ;)... I love losing everything to her....Oh! Numb again....wait!

Estranged lover... betrayed in love... it hurts...

Ok so I feel a bit dizzy now... wait! Let me peep into those dark dingy corners again...sleepless nights and aching arms...burning eyes and huge dreams....shady treacherous characters...hooded soldiers all marching ahead...assassin creed... ;) ... popping a few pills...trying to get rid of the pain...I am ready to march again...

Denial

He said a hello and I knew I was smitten by love....he wrote a mail which was not even meant for me and I knew I had had fallen in love

Language tricks me...yes it does....I find myself gasping for the most appropriate words sometimes...I keep thinking about these very elusive appropriate words ...as if these words could describe all that I wanted to express...

Stream of consciousness... how appropriately it suits my writing style these days...random thoughts keep hitting the ocean floor....and each of these thoughts are linked to one another...a web of thoughts with a glassy surface, smooth and silky ...water trickles down drop by drop...and there is the Pandora box...

I feel so drunk....oh yeah I do....intoxicated with opium or is it love ...or is it with that throbbing pain somewhere...and with my sleepy eyes, I stare at the mundane world around....how these thoughts just pass by...and then I realise ... gravity is probably the most tangible entity on this earth...and as I try to sleep, denying all that appears to be real...I know for sure that deep within I have constructed my own little world.....

Yes I have closed my eyes for once...let that pain sink in for God sake ... Oh! You want to know what pain...none of your business I say... and as these thoughts just meanders along...the ocean waits....

Blue woman, thinking....

It is 8 PM, Saturday evening...As I continued typing, I could hear a very familiar tune in the background...someone was singing a beautiful song...a very special someone ;) ....the soothing voice and that song that he hummed along as he continued to work, made me fall in love again..all over again..... :)

Have been doing a lot of thinking these days. I thought the best possible way to sort out the confusing issues in your life is to write them down and then think over them... probably I have been trying to think clearly for a few days now...

And as I was doing my bit of thinking, I realized that I had larger issues in life that needed immediate attention...no thinking was required anymore...there was a call for proactive involvement. I have a dream, an obsessive desire to achieve, which materializes a bit everyday to make me what I am today....I am ready for the fight, ready to sacrifice all that I have, all over again. I am not scared of failures, I am not scared of anything except for a weak chord that reverberates deep within me to the tune of a few disturbed moments in the past.

Have ever thought about being a part of a script and see it being written down right in front of you. As u continue to enact your part, the story unfolds gradually. You see yourself being written down somewhere... somewhere being so vague, so abstract.. and you know for sure that your part will eventually be consigned to oblivion.....forever! And that is what makes me think...I don't want my part to be lost and forgotten...I have a responsibility towards who I am...towards Sapna Patel ...I will not let her become an untold story.....

Ime

Have always wondered what it would be like to be able to write whatever I have been thinking through all these years in my life. It’s almost like sketching some vague figure on the canvas and wanting to figure out what could it mean. For me writing is a way of exploring the unknown, finding out a few answers, and maybe celebrating each moment that I have lived so far. For me writing is a means of exploring new boundaries, sneaking into the dreaded dark corners, solving a few existential mysteries and maybe understanding myself a little more every time.

I know not how to quote, I know not how to get inspired but there is something within me which makes me believe everyday that there is a possibility of winning every battle and making it huge one day. I believe in possibilities and I do take risks. I love being in love and I feel grateful for every little thing that I am provided with everyday. I believe in God and though the faith is not unquestionable, I know that I will be taken care of eventually. The law of attraction inspires me and sometimes I do mistake the divine power for a bundle of positive energy which encompasses every life on this planet.